The Respect Advantage

Susan Room
Jan 26
4 min read

What Sri Lanka is teaching me about leadership presence

We’d just arrived - the kind of tired you only get after a long flight, when your body has landed but your brain is still somewhere over the ocean.

At the first hotel, the manager stepped forward and, before he’d said a word, I felt welcome. His wide smile. Sparkling eyes. Hand extended, without crowding our space. And when he said "Ayubowan”, the traditional greeting often understood as a wish for long life, his tone was warm and his voice steady. Not transactional. Not rushed. Genuinely pleased to welcome us.

And there was something else in that greeting that’s rare these days...

RESPECT

A few days later in Kandy, I saw the same thing in motion. An elderly woman was crossing a wide, busy road, hobbling slowly and stopping often. Traffic didn’t push through. It waited. No pressure, no impatience, just space made for her to proceed. I can’t claim to know what any driver felt, but I noticed what wasn’t there: no edging forward, no aggressive horns, no visible irritation.

Filmed during my recent trip to Sri Lanka

It made me realise: respect has a cadence. A rhythm. A sound.

And it's communicated through powerful signals we can learn, repeat, and use deliberately.

Why Leadership Presence Matters at Work: Respect Builds Trust and Performance

Because people start reading us long before we start speaking.

In the first seconds of a meeting, a corridor conversation, a client call, people pick up micro-signals: Are you present? Are you trustworthy? Do you value me? Those signals shape whether they contribute, whether they challenge, and whether they bring you the real issue… or stay quiet and play it safe.

This is why respect isn’t a “soft” value. It’s a performance driver.

In a Harvard Business Review article* referencing research by Georgetown University’s Christine Porath, nearly 20,000 employees worldwide ranked respect as the most important leadership behaviour. When respect is missing, people protect themselves in predictable ways: fewer ideas, less honesty, more caution, and a slow erosion of trust.

So rather than treating respect as something we either have or don’t have, I suggest it is something we can practise across four pillars every day: Mind. Body. Speech. Voice.

How to Build Leadership Presence: Mind, Body, Speech and Voice

Mindset for Leadership Presence: Respect Starts Before You Enter the Room

Your mental state sets the emotional climate. If you’re inwardly rushed, irritated, or “too busy for this”, people sense it, even when your words are polite.

Try this: Choose one intention before you walk in, like: “Let them feel seen".

Ask “How do I want them to feel after this interaction?”

Watch for impatience leaking out as sharpness, speed, or clipped tones.

Body Language for Leadership Presence: Space, Attention and Calm Authority

People don’t just listen to you - they read you. Physical presence shows up in how you stand and move, what your hands are doing, and whether you make it easy for someone to speak.

Try this: Give your full attention for the first 10 seconds: face people, relax your jaw, release your shoulders.

Stop multitasking when someone is talking (especially if you’re senior).

Watch for “drive-by leadership” - talking while walking away, typing, half-turning, or scanning the room.

Speech for Leadership Presence: Clear, Respectful Language

Respectful speech protects status - yours and theirs.

It’s direct without being demeaning, and clear without being cold.

Try this: Remove “just/obviously/as I said” from requests and

feedback. Say what you mean, cleanly.

Summarise before you challenge: “So you’re saying… have I got that right?”

Watch for sarcasm, vague criticism, and throw-away comments that land as small humiliations.

Voice for Leadership Presence: Tone, Pace and Warmth That Build Trust

Your tone leaks your emotions. You can say the right words and still sound dismissive if your pace is fast, your tone sharp, or your volume loud.

Try this: Slow down by 5% and pause deliberately before replying.

Lower your volume slightly when you want authority, not intensity.

Watch for rushing the end of sentences, speaking over people, or using speed as a substitute for certainty.

Leadership Presence Audit

A 60-Second Check and a 7-Day Experiment

After your next important interaction, score yourself out of 10 on each of the pillars below.

Then choose ONE to practise for the next seven days. Just one!

Mind: Did I enter with the intention to make them feel seen - not just get through the agenda?

Body: Did I look available and grounded, or busy and impatient?

Speech: Were my words both clear and respectful?

Voice: Did I sound warm and steady - even under pressure?

This isn’t about being “nice”. It’s about this: do people bring you the truth, the ideas and the issues early - while you can still do something about them?

A Leadership Presence Challenge for 2026: Lead With Respect

Respect isn’t a branding statement. It’s a behaviour. And behaviours are learnable.

So, as we head into 2026, with workplaces moving faster, attention getting thinner, and pressures running higher - here’s my invitation to you:

What would change if respect became your most consistent leadership signal?

Not occasionally. Not when you have time. Consistently - in mind, body, speech and voice.

Build Your Leadership Presence: Next Steps

If you’re an HR or L&D leader building leadership presence at scale, contact me about Make Your Mark for Teams - my new upcoming digital programme.