How to Stay Calm (and Keep Your Voice Steady) This Festive Season
- Susan Room
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
December is often sold to us as a time of joy, connection and celebration - and it can be.
I’m also realistic about the diary overload, deadlines and family dynamics that can leave your nervous system quietly waving a white flag.
In that mix, calm can feel like a nice idea reserved for other people.
Yet you have more influence than you think.
Two ideas I return to again and again in my work with senior and emerging leaders are:
The Vagus Nerve - the powerful “mind-body-voice” nerve that regulates your state.
The Drama Triangle - the roles we slip into under pressure.
Blend them together and you get something very practical: a way to move from drama to calm, even in the most triggering December moments.
In this blog, I’ll share three familiar festive scenarios and some simple, in-the-moment tools for your mindset, body, speech and voice. Here's how to stay calm this festive season...
Why your voice gives you away
Picture this. You’re about to walk into a performance review, a family discussion about Christmas plans or a year-end presentation. You’ve prepared. You know your content.
And then, just as you’re about to speak:
your mind floods with self-doubt
your heart races
your throat tightens
your voice starts to wobble or rush
This isn’t you “being bad at communication”. It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you.
The vagus nerve is a key part of your “rest and digest” system and a powerful lever for calming both mind and voice.
Dr. Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle describes three roles we can slip into when under pressure - Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer - those moments when we feel helpless, go on the attack or “over-help”.
In this December piece, we’ll build on that work by listening for the difference between more “dramatic” voices and the “winning” voices of Challenger, Coach and Problem-Solver.
From drama to calm: three festive moments, three small resets
You don’t need to use all of these. Pick one that speaks to you and practise it once this week.
1. Putting pressure on yourself to work during the holidays
The office is technically quiet, your out-of-office is on… and yet you’re checking emails, scanning your to-do list and feeling guilty about not doing more.
No one has actually asked you to work – but the pressure feels very real.
Mindset: Your inner Persecutor says, “If you switch off, you’ll fall behind.” Victim thinks, “I don’t really have a choice.” Rescuer whispers, “If I’m not available, everyone else will struggle.”
Body, speech and voice: It’s hard to relax physically. Sleep is lighter; your jaw, neck or shoulders stay tense. With loved ones, your voice can sound distracted or flat, and your replies get shorter and less generous.
Small reset
Before you open the laptop or pick up your phone again:
Sit or stand with both feet on the floor.
Inhale through your nose for a count of four.
Exhale through your mouth for a count of six or eight, as if you’re slowly sighing out the day.
On each out-breath, quietly say to yourself: “It’s OK to switch off.”
This simple pattern of longer exhales helps your nervous system slow down again, so you’re deciding from calm rather than from fear.
Try saying
“I’m choosing to take a proper break so I can come back clearer and more effective in January. If something urgent comes up, here’s how it will be handled…”
Or, in advance:
“I’ll be offline from the 24th to the 2nd. If you need support in that window, please contact X. I’ll pick up non-urgent messages when I’m back.”
Speak a touch more slowly than your “busy work” voice, and pause briefly after the dates so people hear that you mean it.
2. The pointed comment at the office party
You’re at the office party when a colleague makes a barbed remark about your work, your outfit or your personality - loudly, in front of others.
Mindset: Victim thinks, “Everyone heard that. I should have stayed home.” Inner Persecutor hisses, “How dare they. I’ll get them back.” Rescuer may appear as a friend who smooths things over, while you feel silenced.
Body, speech and voice: Your stomach drops. Breath freezes; your throat tightens. When you try to reply, your voice and words may come out thin, shaky or suddenly very fast - perhaps more cutting, jokey or self-deprecating than you intend.
Small reset
If you can, step away to the loos or a quieter corner:
Place a hand lightly on your chest.
Take a gentle breath in, then hum on the out-breath – any comfortable note – three to five times.
Humming stimulates the vagus nerve and gently warms your vocal folds, helping you return with a steadier, more resonant voice.
Try saying
“I’m not OK with comments like that. If you want to say something about me, I’m happy to hear it privately – constructively.”
Use short, clear phrases. Aim for firm and even, not sarcastic. Think “cool, clear boundary”, not a public takedown.
3. Doing everything for everyone (at home)
You’re the one who organises travel, buys presents, cooks, cleans, smooths ruffled feathers, keeps the show on the road… and no one seems to notice.
Mindset: Rescuer says, “If I don’t do it, no one will.” Victim follows with, “I’m exhausted and unappreciated.” Inner Persecutor piles on: “They’re all so selfish.”
Body, speech and voice: Shoulders, neck and jaw hold a constant low-level tension. Your breath gets shallow as your to-do list lengthens. Your voice may sound bright and cheerful on the surface, but with irritation underneath – or it goes flat and resigned, and your words become clipped or passive-aggressive.
Small reset
Just before you say yes to one more thing:
Run cold (not icy) water over your wrists for 20–30 seconds, or splash some on your face.
Take one slow breath in and a long, relaxed breath out.
Quietly ask yourself: “What am I willing to do here - and what am I not?”
Cold water plus conscious breathing gives you a brief reset and a moment of choice.
Try saying
“I’m happy to cook the main course this year. I’m not going to do the starters and dessert as well. Who’d like to take those on?”
Say it slowly enough that each part is clearly heard. Keep your tone warm but definite - “kind and clear”, not apologetic. Pay attention to consonants, especially at the ends of words. Clear consonants make your boundary easier to hear.
How to stay calm this festive season
If one of these scenarios resonated, choose one reset and practise it once this week.
When you understand how mindset, body, speech and voice work together, you’re no longer at the mercy of the moment. You can notice when you’re pulled into a Drama Triangle, use your vagus nerve to steady yourself, and choose words - and a way of speaking - that create connection rather than conflict.
One conversation at a time, that’s how you move from drama to calm.
This is the work I do with clients year-round - helping them find a steadier state and a stronger voice, even when things feel tense.
Wishing you all a drama-free holiday season! 🎁
The Business Voice Coach
Further reading: If you’d like more detail on the Vagus Nerve - including ten simple ways to stimulate it - you’ll find it in my blog “The vagus nerve: a secret weapon for calming your mind and voice.” If you’d like to go deeper into the Drama Triangle model, you can read my blog “How to avoid the Drama Triangle this holiday season.”
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